Greasy Joe's Slips

Finally, after all this time, Babka has a challenger (and I'm not talking beans). Greasy Joe's can thank the waitress in the stripy red top for its rapid slide from the Breakfast Blog Top 20 to not-worth-wasting-your-time-and-money. Not only did they fail to clear plates, and forget about coffee orders for well over 30 minutes, but when we walked up to re-order and inquire, they really didn't care. A couple of us even made a point of clearing our own plates, but still no-one got the message that perhaps we'd like some service.



Here are some tips for anyone running a cafe or restaurant:

1. Please try to look at the customers as you buzz about the venue. There is nothing more frustrating to be waiting for some help, your head bobbing up and down like a prairie dog, only to be treated like an invisible hobbit wearing the ring of power.

2. Make sure that, having ignored tip #1, when a customer starts wandering aimlessly around the venue in search of assistance, you show them some love and tell them you're sorry, even if you have to fake it. At this point, the customer may be a little sarcastic, as in, "Do you think maybe we could get our coffees within the next hour or two?" Don't be sarcastic back. Don't tell them "there's no need to be rude." Don't give them lip. Because if you've kept someone waiting over 30 minutes for a cup of coffee, they've earned a free pass to make at least two sarcastic comments, maybe even three. Grit your teeth and smile.

If only stripy red top knew these simple rules I might consider going back to GJ's one day. Unfortunately, she didn't. And I won't.

BTW, the eggs benny was OK, but nothing special. Go to The Galleon instead.

The Galleon, St Kilda

The thing that's attached to the typewriter. Little animal with a ball. Little animal, small... Creeps about, not a rat.

Bubble, AbFab

If bubble you crave, then get yourself down to The Galleon, 9 Carlisle Street, Tel +61 3 9534 8934, where they serve it with squeak, and a big fat banger, on toast. Or sans banger, if you prefer. Bursting with peas, corn, and other items of mystery mush, it looked very satisfying.



Last time I was here I had the sweet potato hash cakes. This time I went for eggs benny, with ham and spinach, and a hash cake on the side. And a wise choice it was, even if I do say so myself. The eggs were good. The bagel was better than a muffin. The hollandaise was thick and creamy. A very respectable, if slightly unconventional, interpretation of the classic benedict.

The coffee was also very respectable. Well above average. As were the staff. A little quirky, like Bubble. But not nearly as stupid. Not stupid at all, actually.

The only problem with The Galleon is the lack of ventilation. On a hot day, you really need to go dressed in speedos and thongs. Any more clothing and you'll start to sweat. Someone did try to improve things by ripping a hole in the ceiling, but even that hasn't quite fixed the problem.

Lava, St Kilda East

Last night, having snatched once more at the ring of power, Howard fell like Gollum into the lava of political death. So it seems only fitting to be writing about my breakfast at Lava, 219 Carlisle Street, East St Kilda, Tel +61 3 9527 2205. You can almost smell it. Howard, and all his pork, going down in flames. Mmmm... crispy bacon. Makes me hungry.



Lava's bacon, while not especially crispy, was good enough, especially when combined with a chunk of avocado and some sauteed mushrooms. Rounded out with a large serve of scrambled eggs, the "Lava breakfast" was very satisfying. A Snickers breakfast, if you like. You won't leave this place hungry.

Perched on the corner of a large communal table (very handy for reading the newspapers and checking out what others are eating), I eye-balled at least a couple of tasty offerings. The potato rosti, for example, is actually eggs florentine (poached with spinach and hollandaise) served on a rosti rather than muffins. The gluten-free crowd should love it. Or, for vegans, they offer house-made Lava beans served with feta on toast. Both looked good. If these don't float your boat, there are many other choices on the menu: muffins, croissants, banana bread, muesli, pancakes, porridge, omelettes (with or without yolks) and more.

In case you missed it, the quote of election night has to go to Kerry O'Brien, reflecting on the McKew-Howard battle for Bennelong: "It looks like a 5% swing to the ABC..."

15/20 "rosti florentine"



Eggs & Bacon $10.60 BB100 +6%

Inkr7, St Kilda

This morning I ate breakfast with what Cheap Eats calls the "professional creative" crowd, at a buzzy little venue called Inkr7, 7 Inkerman Street, St Kilda, Tel +61 3 9534 6011. I think they mean creative types with real jobs and enough money to afford nice things like black sports cars. Which puts them in the elite company of Janette Howard (apparently she liked to speed around in one when she first met John) and Nick Bracks (who used to drive a black Saab before he got pissed and pranged it).



In keeping with the crowd, the special of eggs benedict had a few creative touches. It was served on toasted pide rather than muffins. It came with spinach and ham. And there was a generous spread of Dijon mustard under the ham. Most importantly, the eggs were poached to perfection.

The standard menu has a few egg options (with various extras including grilled pancetta, grilled zucchini, pesto mayo and salmon) and "rustic" beans (5 different types) with Spanish onion, celery, capsicum and mushroom. On the sweeter side you can have muesli, fruit, banana bread with orange butter, or Dutch fruit loaf. The fruit loaf was also on special today, served with sweet marscapone cheese, fresh strawberries and maple syrup.

Despite a bad start (I stood like an idiot for a few minutes as staff walked past ignoring me), service turned out to be pretty good. And judging by the number of regulars, I'm assuming both food and service are pretty consistent.

16/20 "Dutch loaf"



Eggs & Pancetta $10.50 BB100 +5%

Daniel Chirico, King of Bomboloni

Despite having the most annoying name in town, Baker D. Chirico is the king of bomboloni. I've heard some people call it "Baker" (which could mean any old baker). I've heard people call it "deChirico" (which sounds a bit like "DeShawn"). There is simply no snappy way to say Baker D. Chirico. I wish they would rename the place "Chirico" to make it easy for people to spread the word. Because the bomboloni here are the biz. Especially if you score early and they're still warm.

Cafe Bruce, St Kilda

Bruce Springsteen. Bruce Willis. Bruce McAvaney. Bruce Ruxton. Bruce Almighty. Bruce Beresford. Even the Australian federal electorate of Bruce. They all take their place on The Wall of Bruce, at a cafe called... you guessed it... Bruce, 134 Carlisle Street, St Kilda, Tel +61 3 9537 1088. A celebration of Bruce-ness to rival The Wall of Gaylord.



Unfortunately the breakfast offerings at Cafe Bruce are unlikely to rival its competitors in the Carlisle strip. Eggs come in two forms. Microwaved scrambles on toast. Or toasted pide with fried egg, bacon, rocket and relish (which was quite good). Otherwise it's toast, muesli, porridge or toasted ham, cheese and tomato.

Bruce is really an espresso bar, with a side line of toasted pide. The focus is on the coffee. So much so that the Barista (I'm guessing his name is Bruce), stands smack bang in the middle of the cafe in what you might call a coffee booth.

It seems only fitting to end with a tribute to Bruce, Monty Python style. Enjoy...