Blond Coffee, Angaston

After three hours of wine tasting, some excellent St Hallett shiraz, quite a few nips of port, not much spitting and too much swallowing, I could feel the dreaded day-drinker's hangover creeping up on me. I had to take defensive measures. I needed to pull out the big guns. I needed eggs benedict. But it was 2:30pm in the Barossa Valley. And all-day breakfast is a big city thing. Or so I thought. Until we stumbled upon Blond Coffee, 60 Murray Street, Angaston, South Australia, Tel +61 8 8564 3444. They served eggs benny till 3 pm. I was saved.



And a very respectable eggs benny it was, too. The free-range eggs had a great deep yellow colour and were poached to perfection. The ham was tasty. The hollandaise was good (but needed more zing). And there was a nice little splodge of sauteed spinach on the side.

The eggs and bacon sandwich was, according to Ron, equally impressive (and I know better than to argue with the in-laws). Two super-thick slabs of white bread, stuffed with scrambled egg, bacon (from local Barossa butcher Schultz's), cheese and tomato, all squished down in a sandwich press and toasted golden brown.

Despite the name, the staff at Blond are not all blondes, although there was a very high concentration of attractive young women. And friendly young women, too. When I asked for a sample of the bircher muesli, they even when to the trouble of garnishing it with a touch of yoghurt and a drizzle of honey.

16/20 "barossa benedict"

Jamieson Grille, Alexandria

"Death ray my ass" said the patent attorney leaning in from the window "It hardly even slows them down"

It might not be such a good idea to book a window seat at the Jamieson Grille, Westin Alexandria, 400 Courthouse Square, Alexandria, VA, Tel +1 (703) 253-8640. It's right near the USPTO and crawling with patent attorneys. Scary.



Being quite the daredevil, I plonked myself down at a window table and ordered the "poached organic egg salmon benedict" with wilted spinach, English muffin, and "olive oil citrus hollandaise". And that's what I got. One egg. One muffin. Note the careful use of the singular for both "egg" and "muffin". It's a lawyer-proof menu. You want two eggs? Order two serves.

What would be funny would be to re-write the menu in patent-speak: at least one meal of salmon benedict including at least one egg served together with at least one muffin and at least one portion of salmon accompanied by hollandaise sauce wherein said at least one egg is poached, said at least one muffin is English, said at least one portion of salmon is smoked and said hollandaise includes olive oil and at least one form of citrus extract. And let's not forget the dependent claim: the aforementioned salmon benedict, served with at least one leaf of spinach wherein said at least one leaf of spinach is wilted.

I won't attempt this for the whole menu. Instead, I will share some brief highlights. Like blueberry orange granola flapjacks with citrus berry salad, warm maple syrup and whipped butter. Or baked organic egg and chicken apple sausage with spinach and artisan marscapone. Or steel cut oat brulee with honey glazed green apples, bananas and toasted pecans. They called them "steal cut" but that must be a typo. I'm sure the Westin would never serve stolen oats.

The Jamieson is a very swish venue, with good service and reasonable prices if you don't mind half portions. Except for the Starbucks coffee, which, at $4.50, is daylight robbery.

16/20 "nice egg"

Cafe Campagne, Seattle

You know very well that in '82 there was a drought in Bourgogne. The locals dubbed it the year of the raisin. And that wine wasn't sold by the case, only the bottle.

Niles Crane on the '82 Chambolle-Musigny

I wonder what the corkmaster would think of the oeufs en meurette at Cafe Campagne, 1600 Post Alley (corner of Pine Street), Seattle, WA, Tel +1 206 728 2233? Drizzled with a sticky, rich, red-wine-fois-gras sauce, it was certainly better than the "real thing" I tried in Cluny last year. Maybe they add a splash of '82 burgundy to give it that raisiny edge?



Maybe not. Whatever they do, it works. The eggs were a little under-poached, but otherwise this is a flawless dish. Thick, crunchy garlic-brioche-toast base (which they called a crouton). Two poached eggs. A sprinkling of onion, bacon and mushrooms. All smothered in the aforementioned sauce. A must-try dish if you're brunching in Seattle.

Other dishes are a little less exciting. The Omelette Choisy, for example, was a slightly overcooked herb-chevre omelette served with a chicken and pork sausage, a few chunks of potato and some dry baguette. Order that one and you'll probably need a Kir or two to wash it down. Or a Kir Royale. Or, if you're feeling innovative, a Kir du Soleil, with mandarine liqueur. Never heard of that one before.

If you're lucky, food and drinks will be served by a very spunky waitress, so make sure to order just one item at a time, to keep her coming back.

16/20 "oueffs en meurette"

North, Carlton North

At first glance, hiring Merv Hughes as a behavioural role model for beer-goggled cricket fans might seem about as clever as hiring Shane Warne to babysit your teenage daughter's slumber party. But this summer, Merv will indeed be urging you not to throw hot pies, roast chickens and jars of mayonnaise at your fellow spectator. Not even during a Mexican wave.



Personally, I reckon we should be allowed to throw any of the ingredients for huevos rancheros. Nothing too dangerous about eggs, avocado and some soft corn tortillas. To find out what else you can throw, order yourself a serve of Mexican eggs, ranch-style, at North Cafeteria, 717 Rathdowne Street, Carlton North, Tel +61 3 9348 1276. They make their own tortillas.

If you're not in the mood for a belly full of black beans, you could try the baked eggs with pork sausage and roast fennel bulb. Or the very simple Champion's Breakfast of boiled eggs, toast soldiers and tomato relish.

The sweet tip has to be the French toast with poached pear, walnut and lemon-honey labne. Melinda tipped me off to this one, and I have to agree that it did look extremely good.

North is very nicely fitted-out, with white paint job, arty feature-wall, and red and white tulip chairs (probably not Saarinen-Knoll originals, but you never know). Service was a little slow at first, but it warmed up, and the Coffee Supreme coffee was very good.

16/20 "huevos rancheros"



Eggs & Bacon $10.00 BB100 +0%

Caffe Veloce, South Yarra

Next time you're shopping for a new Maserati, fuel up at Caffe Veloce, 9-11 Claremont Street, South Yarra, Tel +61 3 8080 9995. Conveniently located in the middle of Dutton's ultra-luxury-tosser car showroom, Veloce allows you to stare at fancy cars as you eat breakfast. Actually, I think it's all pre-loved cars at Duttons, so you should really only come here for an old Maserati. No Gran Turismo's here, unfortunately.



Breakfast options are simple but good. Eggs are either scrambled or poached ($12-14), the latter served with a delicious, buttery sauteed spinach, tasty bacon, and Baker D. Chirico sourdough toast. No complaints about the quality of the eggs, but one was hard-poached.

An interesting lighter option is the biancomangiare (a "yoghurt terrine"), served with "mint coulis" and strawberries ($8). This was excellent.

Veloce's edge, however, is that they have their own pastry chefs slaving away in the basement. So, you can drop in for a coffee (a very good signature blend of Di Lorenzo) and scoff down a few house-made custard bombaloni or rip into some excellent fritella (doughnut-like frisbee's sprinkled with sugar).

Finally, in the interests of full disclosure, Veloce is where I lost my virginity. I was given a free sampling of various dishes at a launch thing hosted by the boss, Mauro Marcucci (of Caffe e Cucina fame, yadda yadda yadda). I did, however, go back on the sly (paying for my own breakfast), and the two experiences were not wildly different.

16/20 "uova in camicia"

A Minor Place, Brunswick

I wonder if Kelvin Thomson ever wrote a character reference for the nice people at A Minor Place, 103 Albion Street, Brunswick, Tel +61 3 9384 3131? Maybe not. Something tells me they might vote Green. Not that Kelvin needs to worry too much. With a big fat margin of 20%, this is safe labor turf.



Which means there's not much chance of Kevin 07 dropping by for an espresso and a quick bite of earwax. Better to focus on the marginals. Like Bennelong.

This is good news for the voters of Wills. They can eat their breakfast in peace. Simple things like homemade crumpets with blackberry butter. Sweet things like french toasted casalinga with pistachio ricotta, stewed rhubarb and maple syrup. Savoury things like a toasted "brontosaurus bagel" with currant relish, fresh tomato, cucumber, avocado, rocket and lemon mustard dressing. And satisfying things like "a minor breakfast" of poached eggs on toast with grilled ham, roast tomato, white beans and spinach (a few leaves of raw spinach, unfortunately).

The food is all good quality stuff (organic free range eggs, etc), but falls just short of top marks. And while the service is efficient (no mistakes), it wouldn't hurt them to throw in the odd smile.

16/20 "brunswick buzz"

Gingerlee, Brunswick East

Whatever you do, don't make the mistake of typing "Ginger Lee" into Google during work hours. Or, worse, school hours. Because you may stumble across a clip from "Stuffin Young Muffins 5", which... how do I put this... is not a cooking video. But don't worry. There are no muffins on the breakfast menu at Gingerlee, 117 Lygon Street, Brunswick East, Tel +61 3 9380 4430. You can, however, "check display for daily tarts".



I'm not really a tart man, so I went with poached eggs, shaved ham, roasted tomato, spicy pork and fennel sausage, shallot jam and rocket (lots of rocket). The eggs were very good, and, even better, served on toasted Dench sourdough. But the pork sausage was the star of the show. Worth the $16.50 price tag.

By all accounts, the rest of the menu is equally good. Ange has already raved about the Syrian style French toast with orange blossom syrup, honey labne, stewed rhubarb and pistachios (mmmm... pistachios). The Veggies have raved about the poached eggs with "slow braised" mushrooms, avocado, lemon and persian feta. And I quite liked the sound of the gluten free toasted macadamia muesli with kiwi, banana and honey cinnamon yoghurt.

Gingerlee is also a very stylish venue, with concrete floors, high ceilings, black tables and nice brown bentwood chairs. The syndicate organic free trade coffee was very good, too.

Originally I gave this place the benefit of the doubt and scored it 18/20. But in light of all the comments I'm downgrading to 16/20.

16/20 "food porn"

Le Chien, Seddon

There's quite a mural at Le Chien, 5 Gamon Street, Seddon, Tel +61 3 9362 7333. A young lady-comrade down on all fours, impersonating a dog, presumably. Up in the corner, a scowling posh-spice look-alike declares: "I wanna be your dog". It's all very colourful and edgy.



But was it a dog's breakfast? Certainly not. Quite the opposite. My scrambled eggs were the dog's bollocks. Served up on some nice sourdough, with smoked bacon, and some perfectly ripe avocado. It would have been a prize-winning poodle, but for a couple of mongrel sausages. I tried smothering them in HP sauce, but they still tasted funny. Maybe the black pudding would have been a better option?



The vego crowd might prefer "lots of avocado and tomato" on toast (with or without goat's cheese), Bircher muesli with rhubarb and pear compote, or plain old Promite on toast.

16/20 "nice mural dawg"



Eggs & Bacon $10.50 BB100 +5%

Inkr7, St Kilda

This morning I ate breakfast with what Cheap Eats calls the "professional creative" crowd, at a buzzy little venue called Inkr7, 7 Inkerman Street, St Kilda, Tel +61 3 9534 6011. I think they mean creative types with real jobs and enough money to afford nice things like black sports cars. Which puts them in the elite company of Janette Howard (apparently she liked to speed around in one when she first met John) and Nick Bracks (who used to drive a black Saab before he got pissed and pranged it).



In keeping with the crowd, the special of eggs benedict had a few creative touches. It was served on toasted pide rather than muffins. It came with spinach and ham. And there was a generous spread of Dijon mustard under the ham. Most importantly, the eggs were poached to perfection.

The standard menu has a few egg options (with various extras including grilled pancetta, grilled zucchini, pesto mayo and salmon) and "rustic" beans (5 different types) with Spanish onion, celery, capsicum and mushroom. On the sweeter side you can have muesli, fruit, banana bread with orange butter, or Dutch fruit loaf. The fruit loaf was also on special today, served with sweet marscapone cheese, fresh strawberries and maple syrup.

Despite a bad start (I stood like an idiot for a few minutes as staff walked past ignoring me), service turned out to be pretty good. And judging by the number of regulars, I'm assuming both food and service are pretty consistent.

16/20 "Dutch loaf"



Eggs & Pancetta $10.50 BB100 +5%

The Commoner, Fitzroy

I'll bet they don't serve food like this in prison. Unlike the "bran flakes and milk, hard-boiled eggs, a bun, jelly and fruit juice" that Paris Hilton is currently not eating, the fried egg sandwich at The Commoner, 122 Johnston St, Fitzroy, Tel +61 3 9415 6876, is hot. They call it "Honky". And this is one Honky worth speeding across town in your Bentley for.



The Honky really is an excellent egg sandwich. Two thick slices of Babka white bread, filled with a fried egg, crispy pancetta, rocket, aioli and harissa. Loaded with flavour. But not quite perfect. The yolk, you see, was still very much in liquid form. One bite and your hands, plate and the table below are covered in bright yellow goo. You have been warned. Unfortunately, I wasn't.

Paris, as we all know, was warned. But she, like, didn't understand that, like, she might end up in, like, a small cage wearing orange overalls (which are so last season), eating bran flakes. Helloooo... bran flakes? Can't I, like, order in a Bacon & Egg McMuffin?

Even Tony "The Rug" Mokbel is moaning about prison food. Who do I have to shoot to get a decent espresso 'round here?

Luckily, I was able to score a very nice latte at The Commoner without any threat of physical violence. But if you like it strong, you should say so. The default brew was a bit weak for my taste.

16/20 "honky"



Eggs & Bacon $12.00 BB100 +20%

Canteen, Spitalfields

To eat well in England you should have breakfast three times a day - Somerset Maugham

It's all very well to say that breakfast is the only British food worth eating. But have you ever tried ordering eggs and bacon after 5pm? Fat chance. Unless, of course, you stumble upon Canteen, 2 Crispin Place, Spitalfields. Tel +44 845 686 1122. Day time... night time... it's always brekky time at Canteen.



And not just any brekky. They serve a very fine bubble and squeak, topped with crispy bacon and two fried eggs. The bubble was a nice fat cake of mushy spuds and veggies, presumably leftovers from yesterday's roast.

My main disappointment was the coffee, which was pale and weak and looked disturbingly like a cup of Thames. I did manage to drink it, so I'll give it one point for OK, but I think I'm being generous. It's no wonder people drink Starbucks in this city. Good coffee is about as common as a punctual train.

16/20 "nice bubble"