Mitte, North Fitzroy

For Melbourne's best poached eggs, go to Mitte, 76 Michael Street, North Fitzroy, Tel +61 3 9077 7379. I'd like to say the world's best poached eggs, but there are two good reasons not to. First, I have not yet tasted every poached egg the world has to offer. And second, I try to avoid saying things that make me sound like a total pillock.



But trust me. These were some seriously good eggs. Nice shape. No puddles of poaching water. Deep, dark golden yolks, oozing to perfection. And a taste so good you'll want to eat these fellas nude. Just shove a bit of pure, unadulterated egg in your gob and enjoy. Or maybe smear it on some Dench toast. But don't dress it up in too many fancy flavours. Try to enjoy the simple pleasure of a fresh, free-range egg.

Which is not to say that Mitte doesn't also give good flavour. Having savoured some naked egg, you can move on to a very tasty chick pea bake, some goat's fetta, a leafy herb salad, half an avocado and a squeeze of lemon. All served up with a couple of slices of very fresh Dench sourdough toast. Ausgezeichnet.

The flavour continues with the Cheap-Eats-Award-Winning potato and chorizo omelette with Collingwood College kitchen garden tomato and fennel chutney, and a tomato, buffalo mozzarella and basil salad. Or for those who like to start their day with dessert, the "breakfast crumble" of cinnamon poached pears and apples topped with a crunchy-granola-ish toasted macadamia crust. Personally, a gut full of such sickly goo first thing in the morning would make me want to barf. But each to her own.

Less sickly, but still sweet, are the pikelets, which I can highly recommend with lemon curd, fresh lemon, brown sugar, maple syrup and marscapone. Really, really good. You can also have them with berries, or with the exotic-sounding middle eastern fruit compote (although this has been said to lack a little zing).

I am, quite frankly, amazed this place has not had the gushing, raving praise it deserves (only Cheap Eats has stuck its neck out with a gong). The food is great. The Atomica coffee is excellent. The venue is a cute little white box in a quaint little corner location. The staff are polite. About the only thing wrong with Mitte is that you have to wait a bit. But that's what happens at good places. If you want fast service, go somewhere bad, where there are no other patrons to get in the way.

19/20 "poached egg perfection"

Demitri's Feast, Richmond

Growing up in 70s Melbourne, my sponge-like mind was drenched in a singular image of Greek food: the souvlaki. So it was quite a shock to my culinary foundations to be sitting down for a Greek-inspired breakfast at Demitri's Feast, 141 Swan Street, Richmond, Tel +61 3 9428 8659. Can you eat souvlaki for breakfast? If Mark Philippousis went on MasterChef and cooked Cougar-glazed French toast with ouzo foam, would George Calombaris call it Greek toast? Is Nana Mouskouri the original cougar?



You can make up your own mind about Nana. And we can all hope that the Scud stays out of the kitchen. Because when it comes to Greek toast, it's hard to imagine anything better than the Baclava French Toast at Demitri's Feast. Take a big fat slice of fresh Tsoureki. Dip in egg and fry till golden brown. Drizzle with yoghurt and orange-honey syrup. Sprinkle with blitzed walnuts and serve. Delicious.

The rest of the menu is similarly sprinkled with Greek twists. Like ouzo-and-dill-cured salmon served with poached eggs and spinach; omeletta with lokaniko sausage, potatoes and kefalograviera cheese; and semolina pancakes with thick Greek yoghurt, rose jam, pistachios and more of the aforementioned orange-honey syrup. In some cases, there may be just a hint of Greece, in the form of goat's feta added to creamy scrambled eggs, or manouri cheese added to sage mushrooms.



The only thing missing was a breakfast souvlaki. For that, apparently, you need to go Hellenic Republic. Tell them a food blogger sent you. George hates food bloggers.

17/20 "tsoureki is the new brioche"

Glory Days Diner, Greenwich

Fancy some Smucker's breakfast syrup with your French toast? Welcome to Glory Days Diner, 69 E Putnam Avenue, Greenwich, CT, Tel +1 (203) 661-9067. None of that fancy maple syrup here. Just corn syrup mixed with high fructose corn syrup and miscellaneous other chemicals.



Personally, I prefer at least a hint of maple in my syrup, but I made do with the fake stuff. The challah French toast needed it... 'twas a bit dry. As were the scrambled eggs. But the sausages were OK. And the Nova Benedict wasn't too bad.

All in all, just another diner, doing basic diner fare. Ho hum.

11/20 "not so glorious"

Arthur and Pats, Marshfield MA

I think if I was allergic to dairy I'd kill myself - Michael Scott

I wonder if Steve Carrell improvised this line while thinking of the bread pudding french toast at Arthur & Pat's, 239 Ocean St, Brant Rock, MA, Tel +1 (781) 834-9755? Apparently he is (or was) a Marshfield local, and it's hard to believe you could live near this place without being drawn in for a bite, and that once bitten, your world view wouldn't be permanently and irrevocably damaged. I ate the french toast. And my world has been twisted.

What could be better than a big, fat, spongy slab of bread and butter pudding (made from recycled croissants and brioche), soaked in eggs, fried, then smothered in creme anglaise, caramel and whipped cream? What could be worse than living without it?

Well, nothing. That's what.

Mind you, eating this stuff more than once a year will probably kill you.

Damned if you do. Damned if you don't.

To avoid this catch-22, you may want to dodge the sweet stuff and try the lobster omelet, or the filet mignon eggs benny, or the omelet with sweet roasted peppers and provolone. I tried the crab eggs benny and wasn't disappointed. Good eggs and hollandaise. A decent amount of crab. And a bonus serve of spinach.



Arthur & Pat's is a diner-style venue with bunched up tables, and bar seating if you're flying solo. It's nothing fancy, but it is colorful. The walls are plastered all over with flyers describing what's on the menu. It looks like a bunch of hippies were dosed up on acid and let loose with paper, crayons and glue.

Just be sure to check your dates before schlepping down from Boston. They close from November to March.

Zaftigs, Brookline

I love a Jewish deli that isn't afraid to sneak a bit of pork onto the menu. So it will come as no surprise that I loved Zaftig's Delicatessen, 335 Hardvard Street, Brookline, MA, Tel +1 (617) 975-0075. But why have eggs benny with Canadian bacon when there's an apple and cheese omelette up for grabs? And no ordinary apple and cheese omelette: a Macintosh apple and Vermont sharp cheddar omelette. Mac & cheese just took on a whole new meaning.



The omelette was very good. But apparently the banana-stuffed French toast in bourbon-vanilla batter with date butter is even better. Or you can have grilled banana nut bread with your date butter if you prefer. Or maybe granola pancakes with date butter? Who cares as long as it's got date butter on it?

With Citysearch ranking Zaftigs as Boston's best breakfast, you can expect to wait a while for a table. But it's worth the wait.

North, Carlton North

At first glance, hiring Merv Hughes as a behavioural role model for beer-goggled cricket fans might seem about as clever as hiring Shane Warne to babysit your teenage daughter's slumber party. But this summer, Merv will indeed be urging you not to throw hot pies, roast chickens and jars of mayonnaise at your fellow spectator. Not even during a Mexican wave.



Personally, I reckon we should be allowed to throw any of the ingredients for huevos rancheros. Nothing too dangerous about eggs, avocado and some soft corn tortillas. To find out what else you can throw, order yourself a serve of Mexican eggs, ranch-style, at North Cafeteria, 717 Rathdowne Street, Carlton North, Tel +61 3 9348 1276. They make their own tortillas.

If you're not in the mood for a belly full of black beans, you could try the baked eggs with pork sausage and roast fennel bulb. Or the very simple Champion's Breakfast of boiled eggs, toast soldiers and tomato relish.

The sweet tip has to be the French toast with poached pear, walnut and lemon-honey labne. Melinda tipped me off to this one, and I have to agree that it did look extremely good.

North is very nicely fitted-out, with white paint job, arty feature-wall, and red and white tulip chairs (probably not Saarinen-Knoll originals, but you never know). Service was a little slow at first, but it warmed up, and the Coffee Supreme coffee was very good.

16/20 "huevos rancheros"



Eggs & Bacon $10.00 BB100 +0%

Coco's Bakery Restaurant, Los Angeles

I doubt I will ever have a more evil, diabetes-inducing breakfast ever again. Take a sweet and sticky cinnamon roll, slice it up and dip it in egg, fry till golden brown, smother in butter and maple syrup, then serve with scrambled eggs and applewood smoked bacon. Just another morning meal at Coco's, 12582 Valley View Street, Garden Grove, CA, Tel +1 714 898 9719.



Evil, maybe. But strangely delicious. Especially the cinnamon roll french toast. The only weak link was the "regular" coffee, which was bland and weak, in keeping with US diner tradition.